Parody
Our Beliefs Make Perfect Sense
We believers populate our fantasies with gods, sagas, supernatural creatures, miracles, cataclysms, and transformations. We embrace mystery, fear, myth, supernatural and canonical law as truth. We embrace the supernatural and paranormal, and reject science. We believe in an intelligently-designed, god-centered universe, not a merely secular, deterministic one.
Our resources for truth, health, contentment, and peace are evangelists, imams, priests, rabbis, gurus, and our worship of imaginary spirits in churches, mosques, and temples. We seek the counsel and blessings of only these “spiritual" people because they claim access to supernatural beings, states and realms. We profess to them our obedience to their dogmatic shoulds and oughts. Dogma continually reminds us that males have privileged status and are superior to any woman. Our religious leaders caution us not to think critically or independently, or to look within, because our newfound evidence-based truths and insights would reduce our dependence on them.
Our religious faith will forgive us for all sins and wrongdoing, no matter how inhuman. We are no longer legally or morally responsible for the consequences of our past actions. We are guaranteed a place in an imaginary, perfect heaven or paradise, because our immortal souls have been “saved.”
Our gods created only peace, harmony, and love. Although our religions promote myth, patriarchy, terrorism, and genocide, they are "religions of love." Bad spirits created disaster, sin, chaos, violent conflict, drought, and disease, not our gods or mortal actions.
We believe our morality has no evolutionary basis, but evolved from our specific belief system. We believe that the roots of our moral, ethical, and altruistic behavior are theological, not biological.
We believe our simple, conscious choices are god-given “free will.” We believe our god is guiding us on the one true path in life. We pray, knowing our prayers will be answered through divine intervention. In conversations with our god, we receive righteous guidance.
Our deeply-held beliefs are the perfect foundation of our worldviews, values, and political stances. We need no factual validity or empirical evidence to prove a hypothesis, make a moral or legal determination, or support any argument. Scripture explains all events, conditions, and circumstances beyond our rational understanding.
We are guided by superstition, belief in demons and other mythical vengeful beings, an afterlife, a holy spirit world of holy ghosts, angels, and divine creators. We have no need to question our beliefs.
It all makes perfect sense.
Will Walsh 2022