Be Very Afraid

Trick or treat, America— happy Halloween!
In my Mar-a-Lago closet dance skeletons unseen.
My Uncle Sam costume projects patriotism today.
(You’d think I believed in the American way.)

Fork over a treat— you’d better obey
Or I’ll trick you with revenge in a horrific way.
Why am I not covering my face, you ask?
I’m a vain narcissist, so forget the mask!
My spray-on complexion’s not orange, but tanned.
This great White House gig sure enhances my brand!
These stars and stripes are only for display.
My red tie is clashing, but that’s okay.

Each day in the White House is a Halloween night:
My Presidency’s filled with uncertainty and fright.
My cohort of wicked phantoms and ghouls
Do my arbitrary bidding. I set the rules.
As their Führer I rank far above even royalty.
My absolute power compels absolute loyalty.
Ogress DeVos is my for-profit hero:
I direct her to reduce all school funding to zero.
Zombie McConnell has ice in his veins.
He blocks all House bills, preventing Blue gains.
Bogeyman Barr uses legal obfuscation
To defend me as King of my empire (this nation).

My fake American spirit doesn’t reassure you tonight?
Then expect more hardship as you dwell in your fright.
I remain unconcerned with your rights and well-being
As you look past my callousness with eyes unseeing,

In 2016 you were uninformed and naive.
I chortle and gloat on this All Hallows’ Eve!

/s/ The very best President of America. Ever.

—Will Walsh (still awaiting The Great Pumpkin) 2020